Home Alone

If there is one lesson that I have learned since being propelled from the bubble, it is that things happen for a reason. (Kind along the same lines that there are no coincidences). When I look back at the things that have happened to me, I am extremely thankful that even though I didn't like it at the time, the things that happened saved me from myself.

One of the hardest things for me since I left Crazy Land was the being alone part. When I look back, I really never have lived on my own. I lived with my mom and sisters, my college roommates, Whitney and Reid's Dad, then just Reid and Whitney, and then with the Mayor. So I went from a world that was big and filled with people, to one that was small and filled with...dogs.  I think a lab counts as at least two or three dogs.

I must admit that I did not like this alone thing at first. At all. Those of you who are my friends (and I owe you an apology) can attest to this. It went kind of like this; "I don't like being alone waa...waaaa...what am I going to do? Whine...whine...I don't like this AT ALL.  waaa....waaaa...whine...whine...whine." And my friends would tell me the following things, that usually went like this:

• You will be fine.
• You will be ok.
• Go walk Kitty.

So (since I really didn't know what was going to happen to me at this point) shook my head to mean "yes" (I didn't really mean yes, but I did figure out that they knew better than I did at this point). And then I went to go walk Kitty. 

Another phrase that I heard (and hear) a lot is that "Time takes care of a lot of stuff you don't like." (This is a profound phrase paraphrased by me).  I didn't like hearing that..cause I am the kind of person who would like to wiggle her nose like Samantha the Witch and things would be all perfect like. However, that is what happened before (or I pretended it happened) when I was in the Bubble.  Life doesn't work that way. Sometimes you have to really work for the things that you want..and work to figure out what is important..and what doesn't mean a jiggle in the scheme of things.

I love Holidays. I always have. In the past, one of the best parts of the holidays for me were all the people that I loved and cared about..getting to see them, and spend time with them, and fight over who got to stir the dressing and lick the lemon pound cake batter.  Those days are gone for me. But I now have others things in place that are just as meaningful for me..just in different ways.

Whitney is going to be gone for Christmas. This is a really good thing for her and her dad. She hasn't seen him and his family for many Christmases, so it is time for her to go. I wasn't really sure if she was going, cause she hadn't quite made her mind up yet. I also know that she worries about me a little bit being alone. So when she called me this week to let me know she was going to spend Christmas in Georgia, I was a little surprised. She explained the reasons to me, and of course I wanted her to go. Then I hung up the phone.

Then I waited.

I waited for the feelings of despair and "poor me" and sadness to come.

And guess what?

They weren't there.

(Angels doing the wave, Reid blowing his Tuba, God giving my guardian angels time off from their hazardous pay duty from supervising me).

I am ok with it. I really am. I can make my own Christmas, and start some things that I can do during the Christmas season. I can do a lot about giving to others, instead of moping around and feeling sorry for myself. Which amazingly, I don't. 

Of course I will miss Whitney, but I am happy that she can spend time with her wonderful father, who doesn't see her as much as I do. And it's really nice to have the peace inside knowing that I am fine with who I am and what I do.

And if I hadn't had the time, and the lessons that I learned about being alone before now...I wouldn't be at the peaceful stage that I am about myself.

So looking back, what happened to me led to good things happening now. That and that word, time. Still don't like that word, but it's true. Rats.  

Perhaps I shall go Christmas Caroling with the dogs. Wonder if they can howl to "Silent Night"?  :)