Spring Break trip to Sedona..Everything is finer in Flagstaff.

I have been to Flagstaff once before, and I was amazed that Arizona had mountains and cold places. I was also amazed that New Mexico had mountains and cold places as well. However, you must realize that my only reference to what these two states were like were the Bugs Bunny and Roadrunner cartoons in which Bugs Bunny takes a "right at Albuquerque".  The flora and the fauna in these cartoons did not show a single mountain, and Bugs Bunny never wore a coat when he popped up in the middle of the desert. So for those of you who are thinking what I used to think..now you know that places that have deserts can actually be quite cold. It all stems from the fact that when you are at least 6,000 feet up in the air, things (and places) are just colder.

See how nicely I inserted a geography lesson into the middle of my trip?

After entering Flagstaff, and once again finding out that my little Mapquest app had difficulty with directions as well (I mean after all, it is related to me) we once again delivered flyers to the architect firms that existed in Flagstaff. Sadly, some of them were gone as well. Flagstaff is a beautiful city with mountains and hills, cute shops, and most importantly...pine cones.


When you live in New Mexico, finding a pine cone is kind of like finding a Coach purse on sale at a 65 percent discount. I am sure David just shook his head at me as I found one that met my requirements (mainly, it wasn't squashed) but I just ignored that.

After our business deliveries were done, we spent a lot of time exploring Flagstaff. The downtown area is historic, charming, and very personable. With the train station at the center of it all, and cute little brick shops all around, Flagstaff has a very zen-like charm...without being totally fruity.

One shop we entered had a very nice man who was dedicated to the pursuit of peace and harmony within the universe. He had this instrument (whose name escapes me at the moment) that he imported from Germany. It was kind of a combination between a harp, a guitar, and a box. He would hum chants while strumming said unknown instrument, and I was impressed because he actually could sing..and performed the chants with great fidelity. (And no, I did not giggle at all). He also had a kind of massage bed that had a deluxe size unknown instrument on the side. The deal was that you laid on the massage bed, and he sat beside you, strumming the unknown instrument, and sing. So of course I had to try it. I must admit that at first it was a little disconcerting to have someone beside you singing..but the instrument gave a vibration underneath the bed that was very peaceful and soothing. You can have all this singing and relaxation for the amazing price of 6000 dollars.  David told me afterwards that every time I would relax, I would then instantaneously tense up. I have no idea what he was talking about.  Did I mention I don't relax well?

David in Flagstaff.

We checked into the world (well, the state at least) historic Monte Vista Hotel. This hotel was built in 1927, and it was kind of interesting that the citizens of Flagstaff (including the author Zane Grey) decided that Flagstaff needed a premier hotel that would meet the needs of all the travelers in the area. We stayed in the "Humphrey Bogart" room, which actually had a bathroom attached to it..unlike some rooms in the hotel where the bathrooms were in the hallway...kind of like a college dorm.  The decor was...well, let's say the decor was interesting.  There was one outlet (yes, one outlet) in the entire room, meaning that I had to disrupt my hair routine totally. Did the residents of Flagstaff not know the importance of good hair care? They did have one of those dryers that were in the wall...the only problem was that there was not an outlet to plug said hairdryer into the wall. And the sink had a dainty drip to it. But the bed was comfortable,and it was right in the middle of the town.  And it was historic..historic things should not be perfect. 

After walking around the town square, we went into a Sports Bar to have a drink. This Sports Bar had two interesting qualities to it:

1. It had 4, 345 Large Screen HDTVs in it. You may think I am exaggerating. I assure you that I only am just a bit. 
2. We were the only two people (except for the wait staff) that were in this bar with the 4, 345 Large Screen HDTVs. 

After the drink at the Sports Bar, we wandered around looking for an appropriate place to eat supper. David is a vegetarian, so that leaves out places such as "Fred's Steak House" and "LoneStar Steaks". I think it is just morally wrong to expose a vegetarian to meat. Kind of like me being exposed to snakes. And on top of this all, I have "restaurant choosing" anxiety. I have always thought the best kind of restaurant would be where you could go from table to table, asking the customers what they were eating, and if it was good.  However, if I did this, I am sure I would end up in some kind of holding cell. Hopefully one of my friends would bail me out. 

David picked out (thank goodness) a happy looking Mexican restaurant, where guess what? They also had 4, 345 Large Screen HDTVs. Perhaps it is the law in Flagstaff to put large screen TVs in all restaurants. There were a lot of customers in this restaurant, with some watching the 4, 345 Large Screen HDTVs.  Besides having to use sign language to be heard over all the televisions, we had a nice meal, and went back to the hotel, where we slept with the one outlet room. I am sure David dreamed of selling his lights to the 4, 345  firms that we might possibly visit the next day in Sedona. That is what good business men do. 

The next day we checked out of the hotel, and went to this charming little coffee shop where an older beagle sat sadly by the front door. While we sipped coffee and ate an evil cinnamon roll, I worried about the poor beagle by the door. I was hoping that someone in the shop owned him, and finally asked the Flagstaff looking man by the door if the beagle was his. I will mention I don't think he appreciated my concern for his dog. In fact, he was a tad crabby. Perhaps that is why the beagle was a bit sad. 

We left Flagstaff, and went down a very narrow and twisty type road that took us to Sedona. This was one of those drives that leaves your mouth open and your heart happy. The scenery was unbelievable, and as we got closer to Sedona,you began to see creeks with huge rocks that would be perfect for walking on and exploring the creek that meandered through the mountains and down into the valley. When I was in elementary school, one of my aspirations was to follow the creek that started at Armstrong Park all the way to its origins. I never was able to go to the ocean, but it sure was fun trying. Seeing the big rock creek made me want to do that again. However, we had architects to visit in Sedona, so we continued on to the city. David was most likely very content, because the only words that came out of my mouth during the ride were "Oh wow" and "Holy Cow". Perhaps he knew this gorgeousness of it all would leave me speechless.  Bonus for him.

We left the road with the winding creek, and went up the road to Sedona. But that's part three of this story.

Spring Break Excursion-Venturing into Gallop

I know that I have mentioned several times that my life is pretty nice, but simple. I go to school, work with amazing people and students, go home, walk the dogs,  go see Torturous Dave at the gym, ride my bike..repeat. It's a very nice life actually.

Vacations haven't happened in my life since I've been out of the bubble. Mostly because being on your own equals watching carefully what you spend equals the fact I'm in education-that should explain everything you need to know why

And that's ok, really.

However, the time-space continuum once again rotated and aligned to change this. David decided that it would be fun for us to go on a road trip to Sedona. In terms of time, David has less time than I do. Way less. (That's another story for another time) But in terms of need, he needed a vacation WAY more than I even did.  So I very happily accepted, holding my breath and not getting my hopes up too much just in case the time-space continuum took a negative twist, and something would happen to prevent this time from occurring.

But off we went.

First of all, there was the issue of clothes packing anxiety.  If you are a woman at all (and perhaps if you are a  man) you know what I mean. You have to pack enough to make sure that you are prepared for every event and situation. I mean, what if you go someplace that is cold? Or hot? Or what do you do if you go to a nice place? So my basic theory is to prepare for all of the above. And of course, basic hair care is vital..so your hair dryer and flat iron have to take the trip as well. I mean, after all, it takes work to make me look even normal.  I wouldn't want David to go off fleeing into the deserts of Sedona in shock..although he has seen me with a red face and mascara streaming down my face..so perhaps, on second thought, I didn't need to worry about that. :)

So I packed numerous shirts, tops, jeans, dresses, sandals, tennis shoes (and no, there was not a kitchen sink in there) threw some books in there (relaxation time was supposed to be built in, after all) and took myself and my suitcase to David's house, where we left early on Thursday to head off. He didn't laugh too much when he saw my HUGE suitcase, especially in comparison to his small and efficient  one

Hey, it's not that mine is so big..his was just very small, I might add.

Our first stop was in Gallup. David owns a lighting company, and like any smart business man, takes advantage of the opportunities that come his way. And since we were driving through there, why not stop and drop off some of his flyers to give him even more work to do..and to be busier than he already is? (This is just an observation, and once again, another story for another time.) My only experience with Gallup (and my apologizes to anyone who may live there) was when Whitney went there for a basketball tournament, and the people there were...well, less than friendly. In fact, they were a tad bit hostile. David assured me that he would save me (if necessary) from the evil meanies of Gallup, and in fact informed me that Gallup had millionaires living there as well. Why this would be, I will never know.

Somehow I just can't see this as a home for millionaires..but since I'm not one, what do I know?

One thing that I must mention is that there were several things that I learned about the world of lighting on this trip. Well, there have actually been many things that I have learned about the world of lighting since I met David, but there were two in particular that I learned on this trip:

1. A lot of architects have their offices in their houses. Please note these houses are not easy to find, even with my little Mapquest App.
2. The economy has not been kind to architects..or to businesses in general. Of course a lot of you may know this already, but it was news to me. 

We spent a while trying to locate architects that had addresses that didn't seem to exist. I tell you, the people who name roads and use directional thingys like "SW and NE" are evil. Totally evil. Or else they have not consulted with the mapping people, who don't seem to know that these directions exist, and you end up in Timbuckoo or some scary location. After leaving a couple of packets at some doors, David took me to a Gallup institution. It was the El Rancho Restaurant and Hotel.

 It seems as if once upon a time, when the movie industry made lots of westerns, a lot of movie stars made movies in Gallup. I mean after all, it is very westerny. There were western types of furniture, and tons of pictures of all kinds of movie stars such as John Wayne, Doris Day, even Jane Fonda. Why Jane Fonda would be there, I am not sure..but her picture was there. She doesn't seem like the kind of actress that would make a western movie.

Me inside the hotel 

David (with his great smile) in front of the hotel

We left Gallup (with no harm to self or others)  and stopped for lunch in Winslow, Arizona. I am not sure what one does in Winslow, Arizona, for once again there were a lot of businesses that didn't seem to be in business. We circled the downtown area several times looking for a place to eat, and after finally parking by a playground in which David thought I'd enjoy because it would remind me of school (he's so funny) we ate at a Vietnamese restaurant which had western type table covers, and lots of oriental ornamentation about the place.  After that, we piled back into his truck...and headed off to Flagstaff.

The Drama of It All.

There are two kinds of people.

Well, there may be more than two kinds of people, but for the sake of this post, we are concentrating on the two kinds I have been thinking about lately. We will discuss other kinds of people at another point...when I think about those types, most likely.

Back to the two kinds of people.

I know that I have mentioned several times that I pretty much led a life of complete "bubble-i-zation" (yes, that is a new word) until the last six years ago, when my little bubble like world burst.  I would like to mention that I have learned more in the last six years about the world, and people in it, than I did in the previous years I was a person. I think the biggest part of it all is watching people in this world and the way that they operate in it.

It's fascinating ..and a little scary at times.

The biggest benefit (if you can really call it that) out of Reid's death is that my whole perspective on the world and everyone in it has changed.  I remember I used to dissolve over things that in retrospect, meant absolutely nothing in the grand scheme of what we call this world. I mean, I was upset in High School when I didn't make the first chair for the violas in the orchestra. I was upset when I didn't make straight As in College.  I was upset when I applied for 5 different assistant principal positions one summer (I called it my administrative summer tour) and didn't get a single one.

And then I finally got it. Yes, I am a slow learner.

This perspective helped me to see that in the large scheme of things, peace, tranquility, and a sense of self is so much more important than what you have, who you are, or the stuff that is going on around you. Because you can't change a thing about the stuff around you. I thought I could (silly me) but perspective and time have taught me that the only thing I can control is my reaction and my response to things.

This leads me back to the two types of people.

Type One : These are the kind of people I like to be around. They view the world as an adventure and a chance to learn new things. They don't throw a tantrum when a less than stellar car driver cuts them off on the road. They laugh when a small child spills grape juice on them. They help you see the world as a learning lesson..and that people (although some are strange, some are weird, all are different) are worth knowing and learning lessons from. They don't take everything so seriously. They've not naive, but they have wisdom and grace in viewing people and things.

Type Two: This group is exhausting. This group is what I think of as the "stirrers". Nothing is worth it unless it is filled with drama, gossip, and doing their best to undermine people or systems. They see themselves as completely justified in doing what they have to do to people. Their intentions are deliberate, and involving everyone and broadcasting what they are doing.  They never stop long enough to think that there might be a good reason for what people are doing..or that everyone is doing what they do with the worse of intentions. But nothing is more exciting than the drama of it all..and involving everyone into their world of drama.

Now everyone has a little bit of group 1 and group 2 in them. The issue is to decide in which group you want to live the majority of your time in this world.  I have to admit that I lived in group 2 when I lived in crazy land..it was all about the drama of it all. And when I left, it took time and hard work not to fall into the cycle of it again. And I am so much happier without it.

I think the thing of it all is that you have to decide what world you want. To me, tranquility  and the joy of the world as a huge classroom full of "learning lessons" is so much better than a world in which the drama of it all supersedes any chance you have for existing in a serene world where people are respected..and given a chance to peacefully coexist.

And the amazing thing is that you can find as much (or even more) fulfillment and fun in a world that is not  filled with drama and chaos. Really. You can.

I have. :)

What? Huh?

I hate to admit this. Really hate to admit it.

I have a focus problem.

Ok, those of you who know me well can stop laughing now.

I always have thought of myself (in the past) as a very focused person...if I had a goal, get out of the way. I would drive myself and everyone crazy in striving to be whatever it was at the moment I was striving to be.  And for the most part, I was pretty successful in doing so.

My apologies to anyone I ran over during this process.

I think when your world is falling around you, it is a good thing to focus on the things you can control.  Although you really can't control anything, really.  That I have learned.

It should tell you something about my life now is that one of my secretaries has her ring tone for me the dog from the movie, "Up."

You know....

I will try to defend my self just a bit in the fact that a couple of things are happening in my life that haven't happened before:

1. A LOT of stuff goes on in my job.
2. I AM getting (just a bit) older.

I know that I have mentioned that a lot of my job involves listening. To everyone. And that is a very good thing to do. However, I am not so good at the listening to all that goes on at the same time...and then remembering what in the heck I have said..or what someone has said to me.  

This leads to the following kind of conversations:

 Colinas Staff Member: "Laura, don't you remember that I asked you if I could blow up the biopark and plant eco-friendly plants that would swallow any naughty students"?

Me: Blank look on face. 

Colinas Staff Member: "Laura, don't you remember that I e-mailed you about taking off a month or so to go to Pango- Pango? You said that it would be just fine, and that you would give me all your sick leave."

Me: Blank look on face.

Now this has led (besides the blank look on my face) to taking copious notes about what and who I am talking to during the day. The only issue with this is that I look back at my copious notes and have no idea what I wrote.  And I have pretty good handwriting.

Desperate measures were called for here.  I know that I look befuzzled a great deal of the time, but REALLY being befuzzled isn't good. At all. 

So I decided to take a course on being more organized. Yes, I know. Me, the queen of color coding, sharpies, and the post it notes.  I could lose my membership in the "Happy Organizer"club.

I actually took a day off and went to a Franklin Covey course about Focus...and achieving my highest priorities.  Yes, that was the name of the course.  It was led by a very tall man named Cordell who had a voice like a movie trailer announcer. 

Cordell did have some very good points, however.

One thing that he talked about was a mathematical formula that took the hours during a day that you worked...and the percentage of hours that you could actually get priorities done..versus the hours in which you had interruptions, and calls, and things like that.  It seems as if the percentage of time you can get priorities done is less than the hours you work. For me, it's about 4 hours that I can actually get done what I should get done. 

The other thing that he talked about was the "Big Rocks" theory.  It seems as if there are things that are important in your life: Family, spiritual, physical health, education, etc. But these important things get pushed aside fot the "little pebbles" that crowd into your life. You know, running to the store, phone calls, internet surfing, etc. So he talked about how you actually schedule your week so that the "Big Rocks" of your life are scheduled first..and then the little pebbles around it. 

Now that made sense to me. I am always pushing aside the things (and sometimes the people) that are important to me. So now I have a weekly planning schedule in which I schedule "Big Rocks" priorities for the week....keeping in mind the percentage of time I have to really focus in on it for the day.  And I can do it through my Outlook calendar, in which I can happily color code my "Big Rock" categories.  So I can actually plan my gym time, my family time, my friend time, and realistic goals at work that I can get done.

Oops...will get done. With color coding, of course.  

We Don't Remember Days...We Remember Moments

Sometimes the planets align and the time-space continuum tilts just the right way..perhaps to recognize that every once in a while things need to be...well, well in the world.

Last Saturday was one of those days. 

You may have noticed (or not) that I have not mentioned dating/trying to understand someone who has stopped seeing me lately.  I have decided that it is bad karma or bad ju ju to do so...although this a flawed theory, most likely. It's like you attract what you don't proclaim..or if you proclaim it, it doesn't sustain. (I am always thinking of good T-shirt slogans, I might add).

However, lately I have been seeing this amazing person. He is kind, he is funny, he is smart, he is generous and good at keeping me off balanced and on my toes. That's a very good thing for me, and very rare to find. Trust me. 

I couldn't tell you at this point what our relationship (or non-relationship) is like at this point in time. The important thing is that we have fun together,and I need to stay neutral, like Switzerland.  So we are friends that have fun. 

Now on to the amazing day.

If you know anything about me, you know that a big thrill for me is getting a new Sharpie.  I'm pretty easy to please. But my world usually consists of going to school, walking the dogs, visiting Torturous Dave at the gym, trying to ride my bike, doing things with my friends.

Which is not a bad world, I might add.

He had told me a while ago that we should go sometime to the 10,000 Waves Spa place. Now I had heard of this place, which is located outside Santa Fe, but I never had gone there.  So when he called me and asked if I'd like to go with him,  I was very excited. I would be going out of town, to a very neat place, with a very good friend, and have fun.

Bonus.  :)

We drove up to Santa Fe in his little restored Porsche that was born the year Whitney was. It was an absolutely beautiful day...the kind in which the sky is really blue, the weather is absolutely perfect, and my platoon of angels are breathing a sigh of relief...perhaps taking a nap.

These are a little fruity, but hopefully you get the point.

We drove through Santa Fe...which is a treat in itself. Such a mix of funky, eclectic, and different. We stopped at this little store in which I was allowed to buy him a yummy fruit drink, and we browsed around, looking at all the different and unique things to eat. 

As we took the ride up the mountain to the Spa, I caught my breath a bit. The last time I had traveled this road, it was with Reid. I was taking him up to snowboard at Ski Santa Fe.  It was one of those moments that drag you back into grief just a bit, but it quickly passed as we pulled into 10,000 Waves. 

Nice to see that you can burn calories while you walk to the spa.

As we were walking up, he noticed the lights along the path. Now one thing I should mention is that he owns a lighting company...so lights are what he does. He did point out to me that he would have never installed the kind of lights that were on the path...the wires were open in some sort of hole, and the elements could get in.

Behold the stinky lights.

47 calories later, we got to the top of the walk where the spa was located.  When you walk in, there is a little river inside, filled with Koi fish, all waiting to be fed. Unfortunately, there is a very stern sign that tells you not to feed them. Rats. So after waving a sad goodbye to them, we checked in and went into our little spa area.

Wow.

On the way to our little spa..take a right.

This was like our own little private world. The spa guy (named "Buddha Bob") gave us a special key that opened up the the world to the Ichiban spa. It was a little world within the spa.

Double Wow.

When we first entered, there was a little area to the right before the hot tubs that you showered and rinsed off in preparation for entering the hot tubs. And there was a sauna beside it that made me feel like I was living in Georgia again. (hello, humidity). After we changed and I had fun spraying him with the shower nozzle that you could move around..we went into the hot tubs.

Bliss. 

The water was warm..the air outside was cold..and when the wind blew slightly through the pines, it was the most serene feeling in the world. When I heard we had 90 minutes to enjoy this bliss, I was a bit worried it would be too long. But it flew by, and when they called through the intercom to give us a "15 minute warning" I was amazed. 

After checking out the very different Japanese bathroom..it did everything but talk to you..we went back into the shower area, washed off, used the nice warm towels that he had placed so thoughtfully in the sauna...got dressed, and went back into the main building.

My hair was soaked, my face was red, my makeup was smeared, but my heart was happy and peaceful. 

Thanks for the happy day. 

When what is right is wrong.

It's interesting (when you take the time to look at things in the world) how things seem to balance. Sometimes your personal life can be going to pieces, while your professional life is stellar.  And then life can tilt, and your professional life is like climbing uphill, while your personal life is well..is happy.

Scary thing for me to say, really.

I've waited and worked a long time for happy. At first I wasn't sure what happy was anymore. I was so lost in the muck of losing Reid, and ensuing explosion of my marriage, that I couldn't even see happy. It was so  far away and unreachable.

But after a lot of time (still hate that word) and a lot of work, happy is back in my life. If not happy, content works as well.

I kept hearing from friends that as I gained confidence in myself and self esteem that I was a worthwhile person, I would attract the right kind of people. And in my ever ending quest to figure out what the heck was important, and what was not, I found this to be true. You can't give to others until you are content with yourself.

So here I am, actually pleased with my little life. I liked going home..I liked spending time with my friends, my girls, my dogs..and liked being by myself. I really did.

By the way, I still do.

And so there I was, happy, figuring things out, the time space continuum was tilted in the right directions, and then it happened.

I met someone.

Now you must realize that I do have standards for what I am looking for in a man. Although I've been told they are too high, I don't think so.  A job and teeth are crucial. Honesty, a good sense of humor, kindness, a focus and a purpose, and integrity are also in there.

That's him.

When we first started talking and e-mailing, we had such a good time with words and wit and humor. When we first met, I remember thinking that once again I would meet someone, and as usual, meeting me would turn into "unmeeting me". However, I was getting used to being rejected, and not as devastated as I was when the world of dating torture began.

He actually still liked me after we met.

We had fun together, and enjoyed teasing each other, and that was exactly where it needed to be for me. I wasn't expecting a relationship...I wasn't expecting exclusivity..it was just enough to get to know him and spend time together.

He is one of the kindest and generous man I have ever met. In fact, he is the kindest and most generous man I ever met. And that is a very rare thing for me. It touched me to my core. I still was very thankful for his attention and friendship, and enjoyed the challenge of wits that he brought to my life. Of course I was hoping our friendship would progress, but I wasn't in a hurry.

But I found out that who I was...was not enough.

The one thing that I have realized that all we have is what is inside of us.  We may be tall, or short, or thin, or wide. We may be a size 8, or overweight, and it can all change in a blink of an eye. The outside can change.

But the inside is the thing.

The one thing that is not enough is when you have criteria that is so tight and structured that it stops you from finding the thing that you really want. As wonderful and great as I told that I was, it wasn't enough.

It was right..but I was wrong.

Now I have to decide if the friendship that we have is enough. I have to decide if I can hope...or not hope for more. I have to decide if a person that I have grown to care for and value as a friend is who I am thinking he is..or wrong.

Today my daughter told me (who is very wise at times for 25) that there is nothing wrong with just having fun. Just fun. and to think of it as, "Ka-Pow". If you know her, that makes perfect sense she would say that.  To enjoy the fun, and the friendship, and the good times together, and just to live in that.

Even when the right is wrong.

All those New Year's resolutions and reflections and stuff

It's January.

The time of fresh starts and new resolve and white sales.

I have never been a big New Year's Eve type of person. Since I've always been one of those annoying early risers, staying up until midnight takes fortitude and other things that usually end up with running out of "umph"..and ending up in comfy pajamas in bed...asleep.

My favorite New Year's Eve story involves my brother -in-law, who was a happy New Year's Eve drinker and partier. He went around blowing those party tooters into people's ears and shouting, "Happy New Year!"

I know. It doesn't take a lot to amuse me.

This year I actually went out for New Year's Eve...and....(drum roll please) had a date.

Aren't you glad you are sitting down reading this?

It was kind of exciting, because most New Year's celebrations in the past 12 years or so have involved going to a friends' house, the Mayor getting upset about something that usually included something I had done wrong (laughed too much, talked too much) and leaving because I had to hear "the lecture" in the yellow chair in our bedroom afterwards.

This was different.

I actually went out and bought these really cute shoes that were high heel like. Now, I don't wear high heels. You would think it would be a good idea, because it would at least make me tall enough to be of an "average" height. But I walk in them like I had been drinking 2,345 margaritas..and they hurt. Owwie.

This wasn't any different either. But they were super cute.

Dena and Jacks were visiting, so I got the "Dena makeover" I found this cute shirt with ruffles, and some hip and trendy jewelry. So I was set to look at least festive.

We went out to eat, and then to the party. We had a great time, with great people, and I stayed up past midnight. Super fun.

So now I am facing a New Year, and thinking about what I need to do to be a better Laura.

I'm not big on resolutions, because it's an easy thing to do..and then not to do. Last year I decided (after listening to Marie, who is wise beyond her years) to do one simple thing as a goal. It was very simple, but hadn't been easy for me to do.

And it was this..The circle thing.

It kind of goes back to the "things you can control" and "things you can let go" deal. If something was outside of my control, I simply let it go. And I have to tell you, it worked really well. After I got the hang of it (had to repeat "not in my circle" a lot) life got so much easier...and much more peaceful.

I now have to look at my next goal for the year. I have found that I am full of good intentions, but my follow through isn't the greatest at times. I heard today someone say, "You can want something, and desire something, but you need a plan to make it happen".

So my goal this year is focus.

I used to be a focused type person. Heaven help you if I had a goal and I wanted something to happen. Now, I didn't always make it happen..but I was a very persistant person and kept at it like...well, like Tila does when she has a tasty bone. Do you notice that many of my analogies involve dogs?

I need to get out more.

The focus left me after Reid died..along with the persistance and the annoyance that I was in making things happen. It was like I would see something going on and think, "Hmmmm, I really should be doing that. Is it time for a nap yet?"

And I don't take naps well.

Now in lots of ways, I am a better person for all that has happened to me..which goes back to my theory in life that things happen as they should. I don't always like the way that things happen, but when I look back, I see why.

Reid's death is the exception to that. I don't think I will ever understand that.

So I have decided for this year that I will focus on the "triangle of me". Good health, good eating habits, and financial diligence.   I need to focus more on making sure those areas intentionally happen. And I also need to be kind to myself if I mess up from time to time.

So I am working with Torturous Dave twice a week, and now going to the gym to do cardio more on my own.  I'm tracking what I eat, and trying to stay within guidelines that make me healthier.  I'm more diligent about where my money goes, and how I take care of finances. It's all about paying attention to the world of me.

Cause I am really am important and special..and although I do forget that a lot at times, focus is what I need to do.

Now if I could just find my notebook....:)