When the time is right...what is to be, becomes.

Yes, this is yet another blog about my dating experiences. Or lack thereof. If I am driving you crazy with this, just stop reading now. 

But I think you should read on. Just saying.

When I finished my Educational Specialist degree in Administrative Leadership (trying saying that fast three times) I started interviewing for assistant principal positions. Now this was the me that set a goal..wanted the goal..knew I could get the goal in 23.4 minutes. 

Silly Me.

Since I had been a teacher at the first school I interviewed at, everyone thought I would get the assistant principal position. Everyone. I mean, after all, didn't I work diligently and had great rapport with the staff and community? Everyone thought I would get it.

Everyone but the incoming principal, that is. 

After that first devastating job rejection, I went on to interview for assistant principal positions at four other schools. Each time I went in with great confidence and great hope. Each time I failed at getting the positions I had so much confidence and hope about. 

I was upset. After all, I had the qualifications for the jobs. After all, I had a lot of good experience and credibility in my field. And finally, I was supposed to get the positions that I applied for. I always had before. I didn't get it. I didn't get it at all. 

I was upset and twitching and all the things that you do when you are used to having things the way you want them and you don't get them.

And then it happened.

I interviewed for a sixth position, and I got the job. Now I will mention that there were some stumbling blocks about this process as well, but I did get the job. 

And (this will most likely not surprise you, but it did me) this was exactly the job that I was meant to get. Looking back, if I had gotten any of the other positions, it really wouldn't have been where I was meant to be, doing what I was supposed to be doing. 

So now here I am, going through the exhaustion and bewilderment that is the dating world of me. And just like the "Summer of rejection" as I liked to call it, the same things are happening to me with men that I meet and get to know. 

Except this time, the lines are a little different. They go like this:

" You are nice, but I've met the woman of my dreams".

"I have a great girlfriend now, but you are really nice".

"I really care about you, but not in the way that you want me to". 

And then my personal favorite.....

Yep, you are right...that big white space above this sentence  is the sound of silence.  The disappearing factor that some men excel at brilliantly. 

However, I did make a connection the other day between my summer of disappointment and trying to build a good relationship with a good man.  And it is this. When the time is right, what is to be, does become. The disappointments and heartbreaks and frustration and confusion teach you who you are, and help to mold you into a person that has a good sense of self..and what is right ..and what is settling.

So when the time is right...it will become for me. And it will for you, too. I promise. 

Let me know when it happens....cause it will. :)

The "Push Me Pull You" deal

I do a lot of thinking in my car. Between pretending I am Christina Aguilera, and solving world peace in my head, it is amazing that I haven't run a red light or run into someone. We will not count the times that I have slightly swerved into the medium while thinking. Just slightly, I might add.


I know that this will surprise no one..and doesn't surprise me anymore that my thoughts while driving led to the chaos and exhaustion of the dating world.  I have read so many books, looked at so many "What You ..Yes, I Mean You, Are Doing Wrong in Dating", websites, and blogs about what you should do or shouldn't do. All this information is enough to send you fleeing to the woods (or here in New Mexico, the mesa) wondering who/what/ to listen to for help.


It's exhausting.


However, as much as I read..as much as I ask and listen to others... (and thank goodness once again for my friends who need some kind of humanitarian award for helping me) I am beginning to have a voice and a mind of my own about this stuff.

When I was little, there was a movie about Doctor DoLittle. Doctor DoLittle was a vet (I think)who knew how to speak various animal languages. He sets off from his village, which is Pubbleby-On-The-Marsh (best village name ever) in search of the Giant Pink Sea Snail. 

Yes, I know..this Pink Sea Snail doesn't look pink, and is very fake looking..but you have to remember, the original Doctor Dolittle movie was made in 1967.

Anywho, as Doctor DoLittle travels around the world looking for the fake pink snail, he meets a very unique animal....

Behold the  Pushmi-Pullyu .

The Pushmi-Pullyu is a funky mix between a llama and a gazelle..and whenever it starts to go somewhere, both the heads start to go in opposite directions. Now this could be an issue, it seems to me. 

But it also reminded me what relationships and the dating world can be like.

You knew I was coming to a point sometime, didn't you?

Although I have read this, and been told this, please keep in mind I am a slow learner. But it does seem as if one dating person pulls away, this causes the other dating person to push forward. Kind of a cause and effect thing.

We all seem to want what is out of our reach...

And when what we want is readily available, it's just not as enticing as it was when it was out of our reach. 

Now I know that eventually the pushing and pulling subsides, because people do get married and live together in a relationship type of thing. But it is just beyond me why you have to play the push you pull me game in order to keep someone interested in you. 

It's exhausting, dating is.  Guess I will have to keep a color coded flowchart of when I am supposed to push...and then when I pull.

Hmmmm, now this could have possibilities. 

The Havelinas of Sedona

Now you may be wondering if my trip during Spring Break is ever going to end. Please keep in mind that this is the first vacation  trip that I have gone on outside New Mexico since 2005. Yes, I said 2005. So please indulge me if I go a little overboard in describing my vacation. And as we all know, I ramble. So there.

Now back to the final part of my story.

When we entered Sedona, the first thing that I noticed that the town sure did have a lot of red. Red dirt, red mountains, red mesas, red rocks...just red. It looks a lot like my friend Eileen's back yard in Jemez Springs. And also a lot like the red dirt in Georgia. Which just goes to show you that red dirt is everywhere. Well, at least everywhere that I seem to go.

It was really a perfect day. Just like in Flagstaff, you couldn't ask for a more perfect day to be outside. But unlike Flagstaff, the town was bustling with people that also thought that Sedona would be a wonderful place to be for the weekend. In a way, it was kind of like a southwesterny Myrtle Beach...but without the great homemade ice cream that they had in a little tiny store beside the highway.

The first order of business was business. We had another list of architects to visit, and so we set out to do so. We dropped off Lighting information to a man who seemed very busy and a bit annoyed, and then discovered a path that led back to a spectacular  view of the mountains/mesas. And it was so. I think people in this world miss so much not being out in the world. And just looking at it.

Oops, that's another story for another time.

After dropping off the required business materials, and finding out that my MapQuest app has a sense of humor (it led us in a circle of two miles to get to a place that we could have driven 500 feet to find) we drove though the round-abouts (what is it about roundabouts, anyway?) to this little shopping area on the southern (I think) side of Sedona.

I must mention here that I am making up the southern direction. I have NO idea which way we went to get there, except we went left from the roundabout, down the hill, and curved to the right. A good southern girl does not know directional terms.

We stopped at a little pub for lunch that had just opened, and sat on the patio and shared artichoke dip and pita bread. The view from the little patio was spectacular, and David spent time looking at Flagstaff literature on how he could move there.

The shopping center also had these great..ummmm, not sure what they were, but they are just amazing. A combination between a wind chime and fused glass..just unique and fun. Everyone should have one, although I am sure they are very expensive. Fun and amazing things usually are.

We walked around, looking through the galleries, and the shops, where David bought a very unique piece of art, and a mug for his friend, Ms. Cougar. We also went into a furniture/accessory store. It had a lot of things in it that would work well with the kind of lighting that David produces and sells. There was a very different futon bed that also called his name. It is hard work to accessorize a baby castle, I tell you.

After the oohing and the aahing in the stores, we proceded to the Bed and Breakfast we were staying in near Red Rock. I had never been to a Bed and Breakfast, so this was new for me. We pulled up in front of a blue house, that sat beside the rocks and the mesas and the view. It was definitely a view.

The Bed and Breakfast belonged to an older couple, which was also their home. It had a very definite "Georgia" type feel, with the ruffles, and the doilies, and the flowery beds. We chatted for a while with the owner, and then his wife came back from an errand. She struck me as a  weary type of person. Her eyes were so sad and worn out, and she moved with great effort. But they were both welcoming, and told us about the flora and the fauna in the area. They had birds chippering by the window, and roadrunners running around, and then they disclosed the most important animal of all...

Observe the awesome Havelina.

Now I have only read and heard about Havelinas. After all, there is the book, "The Three Little Havelinas" that I have read many time to my students. But I have never seen a real, live, in the piggy flesh type of one. So the possibility of getting to "meet" one was almost as good as Adam Levine handing me a Louis Vuitton purse and asking me to go to the Caribbean.

I mean after all, he is unattached at the moment. 

We decided (after unpacking and observing the birds) to go to dinner a bit early, so we could come back early, sit on their back patio, look at the stars, and share a bottle of wine. 

That kinda happened. 

We spent time at the restaurant..3 hours of time, actually. We ate and talked about anything and everything. I might add that when ever I wear white, for some reason, I tend to eat things that are a magnet for my white shirt. And why in the world I ordered linguine with clams and red sauce, I will never know. But I did. And you most likely know what happened to my pristine white shirt. 

Good thing it was dark when we left. 

When we returned back to the bed and breakfast, we decided to take a walk. The Bed and Breakfast couple were relaxing in their matching "Barc-a-loungers", watching NCAA basketball on TV when we were leaving. They looked at us like we had grown two heads and had a horn when we told them we were going out for a walk..in the dark. And no, we didn't need a flashlight.

It was an amazing night. No street lights were in the area, so it looked as if the stars were in a 3D movie..except this was real.  We walked for a couple of miles, and looked at this amazing house whose backyard had a massive mountain made of rock behind it. This led to discussion of how the owners protected their house (which had a lot of glass) from falling rock.  Perhaps I was talking about it, and David was silently shaking his head as I pondered the meaning of rocks and houses. 

On the way back, I decided to be wild and to run...down the middle of the road...on the yellow stripes. It reminded me of the times my sisters and my cousins would be sitting in the back of my aunt's station wagon, flapping our arms, and thinking that if we flapped hard enough, the car would fly. 

Nice to know there is still that part of me inside.

Unfortunately, the beautiful weather that had greeted us the last couple of days had come to an end. There was a massive snow and wind storm headed towards Sedona and Flagstaff, and if we stayed until Sunday, we would most likely get caught in it, and delay our return back home. 

That would not do. The world of Lighting can not exist without David in it.

So the next morning when we awoke, I was actually able to get ready for the day in a bathroom that had outlets...Thank goodness. While we were eating our breakfast of yummy waffles and strawberries, the main event arrived. 

This was the "quiet herd" as the owner of the Bed and Breakfast informed us. I guess there was a rowdy bunch that arrived at other times during the day. 13 of the Havelina crowd meandered into the backyard, and chomped contentedly on dog food and left over waffles.

I can not tell you how excited I was to see them upclose and personal. I know....I don't get out a lot.

Sadly, we packed our bags after the Havelina experience, and headed back up to Sedona to partake in a Sedona tourist tradition...

The Jeep tour ride.


Now, we did not take the "world famous" Pink Jeep tour. We took the ride with a Native American cowboy, who shared with us that he had four children with different partners, helped to build the "Pink Jeep" business..and then came back from California to help with the current business he was working at. He was a very informative type of man. Very good at sharing the flora and the fauna of the area as well..which makes sense, because it is a good thing to tell your jeep riders.

It was an unique experience. We bounced and tousled our way up to 7,000 feet of amazing Arizona splendor.  I might add that the cold front was beginning to come in, so it was getting a bit chilly. When we got to the "world famous tree", where all the pictures that represent Arizona were taken, I spotted....

Yes, another pine cone.  One must have priorities here.

David and the cowboy tour guide continued toward the tree, while I risked my life trying to reach for a pine cone without toppling over the edge of the cliff like thing we were perched on.

Ta-Duh! Success.

The view...although windy and chilly...was absolutely breathtaking. Words don't really describe it, so I won't.

After the tour guide cowboy helped me descend from the peak of the hill (he must have realized that I have balance issues) we descended back down from 7,000 feet to the town of Sedona. At the bottom of the hill, we passed a family, driving a Toyota type car. They stopped and asked our cowboy tour guide if their car would get damaged riding up the trail.

Even I knew that answer. Durf.

We thanked our Cowboy tour guide, I tried to fix my totally wind blown hair, and left to have lunch at this little vegetarian cafe, full of vegetarian type stuff..and new age items. And new age waitresses, I might add. They seemed to be very high on something that didn't allow their brains to connect to the fact that I wanted a little honey mustard sauce for my veggie burger. I didn't think that was asking for too much. After all, it was on the menu.

Once again, I was wrong. Silly me.

After waiting patiently for a bit, David mentioned that perhaps I might need to ask again..cause the honey mustard didn't seem to be making an appearance. So (very politely, I might add) I went up to the waitress to ask AGAIN for my honey mustard. She seemed quite puzzled by my request (once again) and looked at me as if I was a native of Pango Pango.  But my little bit of honey mustard was finally delivered, and we finished our lunch. I was a little worried about the waitresses, and how they were able to manage serving customers and to handle money at the same time. But it takes all kinds of people to make a world.

We then went down the round-about again, and visited this shopping area in which David found some very unique tables to take to his baby castle. We wandered through art galleries and shops, and then carted the tables to his truck. I am very proud of the fact I didn't drop the one I was carrying. That would have been a bad thing to do. I don't think David would have allowed me back in the truck for the ride home if I had done so.

We left Sedona, headed back to Flagstaff (love that place) and made our way home, through gale force type winds that made driving a bit tricky, to say the least. Due to the gale force winds, there were some accidents involving huge trucks that overturned, so our ride back to Albuquerque took a bit longer than we thought.

We did stop again at the El Rancho Hotel in Gallop, where we both had enchiladas, and talked about the difference in the clientele in Sedona versus the very eclectic group in the El Rancho Hotel.  The cowboy like person at the table next to us kept winking at me...or perhaps he had dust in his eyes from the gale like wind/sand storm from the highway.

On our way out, we checked out the band that was playing in the lounge for a Saint Patrick's type of party. All I can say about them definitely is that they were loud and sang with great fidelity...loudly.

After all, when  you are drinking, the music sounds better as you drink. Or not.

We finally returned to David's house wayyyy past my bedtime, and he helped me load up my car, and I headed to my small home in the Outlands of Rio Rancho.

You may now breathe a sigh of relief.  This concludes my first trip outside of New Mexico since I left the "bubble".

Hope it's not the last. Thanks, David.

The Option

I've now been divorced and on my own for 4 years. Well,  4 years if you count the time I left my house and went on my homeless spring tour. That is a long time in the world of me to be alone. And things in my world of me are going well..except on the days they aren't, but that is the way the real world works.

And I have some things to think about. I think I thought I had thought about them...but obviously I have not, or I wouldn't be thinking about them now.

And if you could follow that rambling sentence, please read further. Or not.

The question of the day is this: What is enough? When is it time to say it's enough? When is it time to move on?

Oops...guess I should say "Questions of the day".

Life is full of options. Where you live, what you do, how you fill your days, your thoughts, who you have as friends, how you live your life, basically.

Which road you take..or the roads you don't take.

One of my friends once told me  that she had dated someone in which she was an "option". She told him that she was no one's "option"...she was "It".  And she didn't have anything to do with him after that, until he came to his male senses, and realized she was "It" for him.  And now they are living happily ever after.

In the four years that I've been on my own, I have dated several men. All pretty nice, none that worked out long-term...which is obvious, or I wouldn't be writing this now. I've gone from totally anxiety ridden to fairly realistic about life out there in the dating world of someone over 50. It's not for sissies, I might add.

At this point, I don't expect to be "It" for someone 2.34 days after I meet them, as I used to be in the past. My poor friends. I don't even expect to be "It" for someone 2 months after we meet, as I used to be in the past. I wonder if there are grants for friends who have to live through this process with you. There should be.

But there does come a point where you have to decide if you are fine with being an option, or knowing when it is time to let go...of the option.

I promised myself when I got out of Crazy land that I would be me, without secrets, without any games, for better or for worse. I would not settle.  I would not try to blame every dating disaster on myself..kind of like feeling responsible for global warming or tsunamis.

This mantra has worked for me most of the time.

A male friend of mine told me about an article one time that discussed signs in which a man was interested in a long term relationship with a woman. One of those signs was that a man who was very interested in a woman would not show any hesitation about introducing her to his friends and family.  I'm not sure if that is factual, but it does make sense to me.

I was very excited about a trip I took with a good friend. We are just friends..that's it. No physical intimacy, just nice times together. And that was fine for me.  But some pictures of the trip got to his family, and this caused a big stir...because they were told he was going on the trip alone, and he didn't want them all into his personal business.  So he deactivated his Facebook account, and I feel to blame.

But I'm not...really.

But I'm also not deserving of this kind of option.

I think the life lesson to learn in all this is realizing when it is healthy to stay...and when it is healthy to let go...and the boundaries that go with all that.

Yet one other kind of option.

I just hope I make the right option.

Spring Break trip to Sedona..Everything is finer in Flagstaff.

I have been to Flagstaff once before, and I was amazed that Arizona had mountains and cold places. I was also amazed that New Mexico had mountains and cold places as well. However, you must realize that my only reference to what these two states were like were the Bugs Bunny and Roadrunner cartoons in which Bugs Bunny takes a "right at Albuquerque".  The flora and the fauna in these cartoons did not show a single mountain, and Bugs Bunny never wore a coat when he popped up in the middle of the desert. So for those of you who are thinking what I used to think..now you know that places that have deserts can actually be quite cold. It all stems from the fact that when you are at least 6,000 feet up in the air, things (and places) are just colder.

See how nicely I inserted a geography lesson into the middle of my trip?

After entering Flagstaff, and once again finding out that my little Mapquest app had difficulty with directions as well (I mean after all, it is related to me) we once again delivered flyers to the architect firms that existed in Flagstaff. Sadly, some of them were gone as well. Flagstaff is a beautiful city with mountains and hills, cute shops, and most importantly...pine cones.


When you live in New Mexico, finding a pine cone is kind of like finding a Coach purse on sale at a 65 percent discount. I am sure David just shook his head at me as I found one that met my requirements (mainly, it wasn't squashed) but I just ignored that.

After our business deliveries were done, we spent a lot of time exploring Flagstaff. The downtown area is historic, charming, and very personable. With the train station at the center of it all, and cute little brick shops all around, Flagstaff has a very zen-like charm...without being totally fruity.

One shop we entered had a very nice man who was dedicated to the pursuit of peace and harmony within the universe. He had this instrument (whose name escapes me at the moment) that he imported from Germany. It was kind of a combination between a harp, a guitar, and a box. He would hum chants while strumming said unknown instrument, and I was impressed because he actually could sing..and performed the chants with great fidelity. (And no, I did not giggle at all). He also had a kind of massage bed that had a deluxe size unknown instrument on the side. The deal was that you laid on the massage bed, and he sat beside you, strumming the unknown instrument, and sing. So of course I had to try it. I must admit that at first it was a little disconcerting to have someone beside you singing..but the instrument gave a vibration underneath the bed that was very peaceful and soothing. You can have all this singing and relaxation for the amazing price of 6000 dollars.  David told me afterwards that every time I would relax, I would then instantaneously tense up. I have no idea what he was talking about.  Did I mention I don't relax well?

David in Flagstaff.

We checked into the world (well, the state at least) historic Monte Vista Hotel. This hotel was built in 1927, and it was kind of interesting that the citizens of Flagstaff (including the author Zane Grey) decided that Flagstaff needed a premier hotel that would meet the needs of all the travelers in the area. We stayed in the "Humphrey Bogart" room, which actually had a bathroom attached to it..unlike some rooms in the hotel where the bathrooms were in the hallway...kind of like a college dorm.  The decor was...well, let's say the decor was interesting.  There was one outlet (yes, one outlet) in the entire room, meaning that I had to disrupt my hair routine totally. Did the residents of Flagstaff not know the importance of good hair care? They did have one of those dryers that were in the wall...the only problem was that there was not an outlet to plug said hairdryer into the wall. And the sink had a dainty drip to it. But the bed was comfortable,and it was right in the middle of the town.  And it was historic..historic things should not be perfect. 

After walking around the town square, we went into a Sports Bar to have a drink. This Sports Bar had two interesting qualities to it:

1. It had 4, 345 Large Screen HDTVs in it. You may think I am exaggerating. I assure you that I only am just a bit. 
2. We were the only two people (except for the wait staff) that were in this bar with the 4, 345 Large Screen HDTVs. 

After the drink at the Sports Bar, we wandered around looking for an appropriate place to eat supper. David is a vegetarian, so that leaves out places such as "Fred's Steak House" and "LoneStar Steaks". I think it is just morally wrong to expose a vegetarian to meat. Kind of like me being exposed to snakes. And on top of this all, I have "restaurant choosing" anxiety. I have always thought the best kind of restaurant would be where you could go from table to table, asking the customers what they were eating, and if it was good.  However, if I did this, I am sure I would end up in some kind of holding cell. Hopefully one of my friends would bail me out. 

David picked out (thank goodness) a happy looking Mexican restaurant, where guess what? They also had 4, 345 Large Screen HDTVs. Perhaps it is the law in Flagstaff to put large screen TVs in all restaurants. There were a lot of customers in this restaurant, with some watching the 4, 345 Large Screen HDTVs.  Besides having to use sign language to be heard over all the televisions, we had a nice meal, and went back to the hotel, where we slept with the one outlet room. I am sure David dreamed of selling his lights to the 4, 345  firms that we might possibly visit the next day in Sedona. That is what good business men do. 

The next day we checked out of the hotel, and went to this charming little coffee shop where an older beagle sat sadly by the front door. While we sipped coffee and ate an evil cinnamon roll, I worried about the poor beagle by the door. I was hoping that someone in the shop owned him, and finally asked the Flagstaff looking man by the door if the beagle was his. I will mention I don't think he appreciated my concern for his dog. In fact, he was a tad crabby. Perhaps that is why the beagle was a bit sad. 

We left Flagstaff, and went down a very narrow and twisty type road that took us to Sedona. This was one of those drives that leaves your mouth open and your heart happy. The scenery was unbelievable, and as we got closer to Sedona,you began to see creeks with huge rocks that would be perfect for walking on and exploring the creek that meandered through the mountains and down into the valley. When I was in elementary school, one of my aspirations was to follow the creek that started at Armstrong Park all the way to its origins. I never was able to go to the ocean, but it sure was fun trying. Seeing the big rock creek made me want to do that again. However, we had architects to visit in Sedona, so we continued on to the city. David was most likely very content, because the only words that came out of my mouth during the ride were "Oh wow" and "Holy Cow". Perhaps he knew this gorgeousness of it all would leave me speechless.  Bonus for him.

We left the road with the winding creek, and went up the road to Sedona. But that's part three of this story.

Spring Break Excursion-Venturing into Gallop

I know that I have mentioned several times that my life is pretty nice, but simple. I go to school, work with amazing people and students, go home, walk the dogs,  go see Torturous Dave at the gym, ride my bike..repeat. It's a very nice life actually.

Vacations haven't happened in my life since I've been out of the bubble. Mostly because being on your own equals watching carefully what you spend equals the fact I'm in education-that should explain everything you need to know why

And that's ok, really.

However, the time-space continuum once again rotated and aligned to change this. David decided that it would be fun for us to go on a road trip to Sedona. In terms of time, David has less time than I do. Way less. (That's another story for another time) But in terms of need, he needed a vacation WAY more than I even did.  So I very happily accepted, holding my breath and not getting my hopes up too much just in case the time-space continuum took a negative twist, and something would happen to prevent this time from occurring.

But off we went.

First of all, there was the issue of clothes packing anxiety.  If you are a woman at all (and perhaps if you are a  man) you know what I mean. You have to pack enough to make sure that you are prepared for every event and situation. I mean, what if you go someplace that is cold? Or hot? Or what do you do if you go to a nice place? So my basic theory is to prepare for all of the above. And of course, basic hair care is vital..so your hair dryer and flat iron have to take the trip as well. I mean, after all, it takes work to make me look even normal.  I wouldn't want David to go off fleeing into the deserts of Sedona in shock..although he has seen me with a red face and mascara streaming down my face..so perhaps, on second thought, I didn't need to worry about that. :)

So I packed numerous shirts, tops, jeans, dresses, sandals, tennis shoes (and no, there was not a kitchen sink in there) threw some books in there (relaxation time was supposed to be built in, after all) and took myself and my suitcase to David's house, where we left early on Thursday to head off. He didn't laugh too much when he saw my HUGE suitcase, especially in comparison to his small and efficient  one

Hey, it's not that mine is so big..his was just very small, I might add.

Our first stop was in Gallup. David owns a lighting company, and like any smart business man, takes advantage of the opportunities that come his way. And since we were driving through there, why not stop and drop off some of his flyers to give him even more work to do..and to be busier than he already is? (This is just an observation, and once again, another story for another time.) My only experience with Gallup (and my apologizes to anyone who may live there) was when Whitney went there for a basketball tournament, and the people there were...well, less than friendly. In fact, they were a tad bit hostile. David assured me that he would save me (if necessary) from the evil meanies of Gallup, and in fact informed me that Gallup had millionaires living there as well. Why this would be, I will never know.

Somehow I just can't see this as a home for millionaires..but since I'm not one, what do I know?

One thing that I must mention is that there were several things that I learned about the world of lighting on this trip. Well, there have actually been many things that I have learned about the world of lighting since I met David, but there were two in particular that I learned on this trip:

1. A lot of architects have their offices in their houses. Please note these houses are not easy to find, even with my little Mapquest App.
2. The economy has not been kind to architects..or to businesses in general. Of course a lot of you may know this already, but it was news to me. 

We spent a while trying to locate architects that had addresses that didn't seem to exist. I tell you, the people who name roads and use directional thingys like "SW and NE" are evil. Totally evil. Or else they have not consulted with the mapping people, who don't seem to know that these directions exist, and you end up in Timbuckoo or some scary location. After leaving a couple of packets at some doors, David took me to a Gallup institution. It was the El Rancho Restaurant and Hotel.

 It seems as if once upon a time, when the movie industry made lots of westerns, a lot of movie stars made movies in Gallup. I mean after all, it is very westerny. There were western types of furniture, and tons of pictures of all kinds of movie stars such as John Wayne, Doris Day, even Jane Fonda. Why Jane Fonda would be there, I am not sure..but her picture was there. She doesn't seem like the kind of actress that would make a western movie.

Me inside the hotel 

David (with his great smile) in front of the hotel

We left Gallup (with no harm to self or others)  and stopped for lunch in Winslow, Arizona. I am not sure what one does in Winslow, Arizona, for once again there were a lot of businesses that didn't seem to be in business. We circled the downtown area several times looking for a place to eat, and after finally parking by a playground in which David thought I'd enjoy because it would remind me of school (he's so funny) we ate at a Vietnamese restaurant which had western type table covers, and lots of oriental ornamentation about the place.  After that, we piled back into his truck...and headed off to Flagstaff.

The Drama of It All.

There are two kinds of people.

Well, there may be more than two kinds of people, but for the sake of this post, we are concentrating on the two kinds I have been thinking about lately. We will discuss other kinds of people at another point...when I think about those types, most likely.

Back to the two kinds of people.

I know that I have mentioned several times that I pretty much led a life of complete "bubble-i-zation" (yes, that is a new word) until the last six years ago, when my little bubble like world burst.  I would like to mention that I have learned more in the last six years about the world, and people in it, than I did in the previous years I was a person. I think the biggest part of it all is watching people in this world and the way that they operate in it.

It's fascinating ..and a little scary at times.

The biggest benefit (if you can really call it that) out of Reid's death is that my whole perspective on the world and everyone in it has changed.  I remember I used to dissolve over things that in retrospect, meant absolutely nothing in the grand scheme of what we call this world. I mean, I was upset in High School when I didn't make the first chair for the violas in the orchestra. I was upset when I didn't make straight As in College.  I was upset when I applied for 5 different assistant principal positions one summer (I called it my administrative summer tour) and didn't get a single one.

And then I finally got it. Yes, I am a slow learner.

This perspective helped me to see that in the large scheme of things, peace, tranquility, and a sense of self is so much more important than what you have, who you are, or the stuff that is going on around you. Because you can't change a thing about the stuff around you. I thought I could (silly me) but perspective and time have taught me that the only thing I can control is my reaction and my response to things.

This leads me back to the two types of people.

Type One : These are the kind of people I like to be around. They view the world as an adventure and a chance to learn new things. They don't throw a tantrum when a less than stellar car driver cuts them off on the road. They laugh when a small child spills grape juice on them. They help you see the world as a learning lesson..and that people (although some are strange, some are weird, all are different) are worth knowing and learning lessons from. They don't take everything so seriously. They've not naive, but they have wisdom and grace in viewing people and things.

Type Two: This group is exhausting. This group is what I think of as the "stirrers". Nothing is worth it unless it is filled with drama, gossip, and doing their best to undermine people or systems. They see themselves as completely justified in doing what they have to do to people. Their intentions are deliberate, and involving everyone and broadcasting what they are doing.  They never stop long enough to think that there might be a good reason for what people are doing..or that everyone is doing what they do with the worse of intentions. But nothing is more exciting than the drama of it all..and involving everyone into their world of drama.

Now everyone has a little bit of group 1 and group 2 in them. The issue is to decide in which group you want to live the majority of your time in this world.  I have to admit that I lived in group 2 when I lived in crazy land..it was all about the drama of it all. And when I left, it took time and hard work not to fall into the cycle of it again. And I am so much happier without it.

I think the thing of it all is that you have to decide what world you want. To me, tranquility  and the joy of the world as a huge classroom full of "learning lessons" is so much better than a world in which the drama of it all supersedes any chance you have for existing in a serene world where people are respected..and given a chance to peacefully coexist.

And the amazing thing is that you can find as much (or even more) fulfillment and fun in a world that is not  filled with drama and chaos. Really. You can.

I have. :)