Holy Cow.
This has been a week.
That is really all that should be said, but since I am me, and I think a lot, I will elaborate...and perhaps ramble a bit during my elaboration. So this is your warning now to click off my blog and perhaps do something more entertaining..such as watch the Colinas Cows try to find a new grassy spot to eat.
They say (not sure who the "they" would be at the moment) that there are no coincidences. This I believe. I have become accustomed to the fact that where ever I am, I am there to learn the lessons that I need to learn, and move on to the next lesson. It's kind of interesting, really. I keep thinking, "I wonder what will happen next?" (kind of like Winnie The Pooh)
I think that sometimes people think that my job consists of sitting in my office, looking "principal like" and doing what they "think" a principal should do. I mean after all, all I knew about my elementary school principal was that he sat up in a big office with a huge tree stump beside it (I always wondered why that was there) and you didn't want to visit him...ever.
I am not that person. If ever a job called for running shoes and sweats, it would be this job. You are never sitting still..and if you are, you need to explain to me what in the world Robert and I are doing wrong.
Robert and I deal with situations every day. We deal with a lot of horrific situations, unfortunately, but sometimes we deal with some that you just can't help but laugh about...even though you shake your head about what in the world is going on.
This week was one of those weeks.
If there is any kind of pattern to a school year, it is usually this. You deal with kindergartners at the beginning of the year as they transition into school...and fifth graders at the end of the year as they transition out of elementary school. I might add that is the only pattern I have discovered about a school year..except that maybe things are usually calm until November, and then everyone freaks out about a number of things.
This year, people are freaking out in August. Not a good sign.
We have a couple of kindergarteners that have kept everyone on their toes and considering medication. (for themselves and the kindergarteners) One is kind of like a kinesthetic ping pong ball. He is operating on his own time table, and has obviously watched too much championship tag team wrestling..because he considers it his duty in life to hit, pinch, or cut off the hair of everyone in his classroom. His parents somehow think he is normal..because this goes back to the theory of perspective. If you haven't had experiences with children outside what they do, then that is your normal. Until a group sits down with you and explains that a child throwing over tables and propelling themselves on top of children is NOT the norm in school. We do this kindly, however..and have become good at dunking as the child throws a block at your during the parent conference.
Both the teachers in his classroom have handled this with their usual charm and positive perspective..except I did become a bit worried when one of them was seen to be walking back and forth, mumbling under her breath. She is a stellar teacher and person, and this is very unlike her. Very. But she is at a loss on how to handle this child, and somehow teach the other students in her class without giving them all kevlar vests to wear. I wonder if we can somehow give out spa retreats for teachers? This could help.
The other kindergartener also operates under his own time and space continuum. He believes that he is in charge of everyone..and by everyone, that means the children in his class, his teachers, and also in charge of me. He didn't like doing what he was supposed to do on Friday, so he went dashing away from Mr. Joe, and ran smack into me. I of course took him by the hand, with him yelling like some demon from the Exorcist ..We walked into the office, where he preceded to continue screaming, pulling papers off the office shelf , and I began to give him forced choices..which went like this.
Me: "You can stop screaming and be a big Colinas Kindergartener, or we will have to call your daddy."
Child: "Assshhhhhhhh....DON'T call my Daddy! "(screaming continues)
Me: "I can't really understand you when you are screaming at me. You can stop, or we will have to call your daddy."
Child: (with head turning like a scene from the Exorcist)" NOOOOOOOO....you can't call my daddy!"
Me: "Miss Kim, can you get the card for the number so I can call daddy?"
Child: (now venom is spewing out of his mouth, and his eyes start to roll) "NOOOOOOOO...don't call my daddy!"
Me: "Hmmmmm, where is the phone?"
Child: (screaming stops, he looks out at me from the corners of his eyes)
Me: "Are you going to act like a kindergartener now, so we can go back to class?"
Child: (Nods head in a positive way)
Score: Me one, child zero.
However, my favorite story of the week involves a situation that neither Robert or I were involved in, but got to laugh at just the same. We have a family at our school that has some unique little boys. We love them all. But they sometimes end up in our offices for random instances..and this week entailed one of them.
If I had any kind of magic power, I would design a bus system that would put each child individually into a chute (kind of like the bank ones, but designed for a child, of course)..and place them into the chute at the end of the day, where they would be propelled into a chair at their house. Sadly, I don't have that power, and we have to deal with buses..which is like a moving classroom with children on crack.
The little boy in question got into a altercation with another child on the bus, where he proceeded to push him, hit him..and then screamed into his face...
"This is not my fault...I have a condition!"
When Robert and I saw the note that our secretary handed to use with a straight face..we knew that one of us would use this phrase as a Facebook status update. Robert won.
And now we have a phrase that most likely will sum up our year..which has barely begun.
May all of our conditions be little ones. :)
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