My life is a bit befuzzled. It's a mix of totally busy and chaotic, and then totally (well, not exactly totally) quiet and serene. Neither one is totally ideal. But then whose life is?
It is unusual that at the age that I am at, I am still amazed by many things. I remember being around 10, and thinking that when I was 25 I would have everything figured out and my life would be perfect.
Silly me.
The bubble kept me from thinking about the real world for many years. I mean, after all, when you are very busy trying to maintain an image, juggling a crazy world, and being the reasonable one in a relationship, you don't have time for much thinking. It is hard work keeping this up, I might mention. When I think about it now, I have no idea how I was able to do it all. It is exhausting to think about..which is a good thing because I know I will not be able to do that again.
I know I keep mentioning that I am learning many lessons now. It's like being in a remedial "life lessons" course, because you weren't paying attention to the course you should have paid attention to earlier, and now you need "life lesson summer school." Except this school is year round. And I most likely need a life lesson IEP.
It really makes me wonder is anyone what they seem to be? Or is the fact that I assume everyone is the way that I am, and behaves like I would behave?
That is where the issue comes in, I think.
People tend to believe everyone is the way they are..and that's where the preconceived notion thing comes from. For example, the mayor would proclaim loudly that he never lied..and was brutally honest about everything. He felt like everyone lied, and he was the only shining example of honesty on the planet. However, I found out eventually that he lied about everything, and that is why he felt everyone else did.
So here I am, figuring that everyone is nice, tells the truth, and treats people well. I mean after all, that is what people should do, right? But I am finding out that my biggest problem is that I believe as well that people are the way I am...and although I am definitely not a shining example of what a person should be, I am learning (and very quickly, I might add) that people, and what you see on the surface of them, is not exactly who they are.
Everyone has a "mask" (perhaps that's not the right word, perhaps facade is better) that they put on to the world and the people that live in it. People have to be civil to others..unless you are at the end of a concert, and trying to get out of the parking lot.
I tend to think that everyone that I meet is nice..except for those few exceptions when someone is upset because a teacher or staff member has done something horrific to their child..which turns out to never be the case. Most of my days are spent nodding my head and validating feelings of others, and trying to work out solutions to problems so that everyone feels as if they were part of the process. But that's another story for another time.
However, I am finding out that when I start to listen and watch closely in my personal life as well, there is a lot going on with most people than I ever assumed. And I am constantly amazed by this. Constantly. Please refer back to my "Life Lesson IEP" to see why this is so.
I tend to be drawn to men that have high goals and ambitions, and a focused life. I am that way as well, so perhaps that is why. I don't know why it is exactly, and I don't care to think about that at the moment. Perhaps later. I met a man several months ago that I was very impressed with..he had a great professional life, he was active in sports, he worked with the community, he was very close with his large extended family. My "great-man-o-meter" went off as I found out more about him. And then I was me (at the time) and proceded on my "over-texting" campaigns, which usually cause most men to go fleeing into the woods. Sigh. (I am better at that though. Sometimes the invention of texting is the devil...at least for me it is).
We still stayed in touch, though, and I found out that he had been traveling overseas for business, and then went back to Asia for a vacation. I was impressed by this, since a vacation for me is going to the neighborhood pool at the moment. And then I found out the reason for the vacation (well, perhaps not the entire reason, but I imagine a big part of that) was to see a women in the area.
Who is 19.
Wow.
Now, I know I should not be judging people, and this fact is not part of the "Things inside the circle" I can control. But Holy Cow. Why would a successful, 50ish man be with a 19 year old? My mouth has been hanging open about this fact all week. This leads me to wonder why this would be happening beneath the surface of someone who I thought had an amazing life, and had it all together. And the more I wonder, the more I realize that things once again are not what they seem to be with anyone. And that is why time, and taking the time to know anyone, is an important part of life.
So I will continue on my life lesson road, and keep my eyes wide open, and not assume (once again) that first impressions (although they are important) are all that you should be impressed about. People have lots of layers to them (including me) and taking time to shift through the layers helps you to really know a person. Although I guess you really never know. And that is the life lesson I am taking away from this.
Sigh.
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