The things I don't know about dating...and trust me, the list is long.

I like to think that I am a fairly smart and capable person..I mean, after all, I graduated from college with cum laude status...I got my Masters and Educational Specialist degrees, for goodness sake. I actually manage to run a school without harm to self or others..too much. However, I have major learning issues when it comes to the world of dating that I am now in..one in which shouldn't be going on at my age..but then again, when do I have control over anything? :)

My friend Eileen tells me that in dating years I am 13, and she is right. I KNEW the rules when I was in my teens, and they were simple and easy to follow.Especially in the South. You dated boys...one at a time. You could do anything you wanted to...but good girls just did not have sex. Period. If you did, you were "one of those girls" who mysteriously disappeared, and people whispered about. And I always did the right thing..I was a good rule follower. So I dated one boy, then another, having fun, but never going outside the rule box.

Fast forward to now..and the bursting bubble. None of the rules are the same...in fact I am not sure if there are any rules. And since I depend on the rules to follow, this causes further confusion and delay for me. And men now come with additional baggage..as I do. Some you meet seem nice..but want sex on the first date..or maybe without a first date. Others seem interested for a while, then faded away. This fact at first made me feel less than ideal, and put my poor friends through hell, as I dissolved into hysterics each time I was "rejected." I was sure that I was entirely responsible for why a man did not find me fascinating and worth being with. I used to say that my goal was to get past 3 dates with a man. Well, I have met that goal, I will say. But none of the dates have lead to anything that resembles a relationship. I hear many reasons:

1. They needed "time to think." (That translated into there was another person they were interested in.)
2. They "liked me a lot", but were starting a relationship with another person. (Well, at least they were honest.)
3. They wanted sex on the first or second date..but not me, exactly. ( I am many things, but I draw the line at just getting together for sex.) 
4. Or...and this is my favorite...they just simply disappeared.

Now I have never been good at playing the game thing. My friends, who are suffering through my dating trials and tribulations (I'm amazed they are still my friends at times) have told me many guidelines for dating a man:

1. Never accept a date for the next day. This obviously makes you seem needy and desperate. Hmmmm..
2. NEVER make first contact. The man contacts you. (Great.)
3. Never respond immediately to a call, a text, an e-mail. You have to wait a set amount of time to make yourself seem as if you are very busy and important. (This is hard for me...I like to talk to people, and I like to respond immediately. But I wait, because I get the "look" from my friends if I do not.

Now, my self esteem has never been the best..especially when it concerns men..and I could not tell you why in the world why. I am sure I could figure it out, given time..but I also have a hard time drawing the line between what I really want, and not settling. My friends tell me I am amazing person, and that is wonderful they feel that way. I have always felt like small children and dogs like me, but men, not so much. I know that I could do a lot to improve on my self physically, and I am working in this area. But you look at dating profiles of men, who want someone fit, attractive, who " is at home in an evening gown, as well as a pair of jeans" and I know that I will never fit that profile. They are all looking for the "hot" factor. And once again I am many things, but "hot" has never been one of them. 

All the above leads to the fact that I simply don't know what the path is going to be for me where dating and men are concerned. I am learning  a few things:

1. NEVER assume that just because a man is highly interested in you one week, he will be the next. 
2. NEVER assume that just because a man is talking to you, he is not talking to 3, 245 women as well. The competition is fierce out there, I tell you.
3. For some strange reason, men like it more when you don't act interested. 

I was told by the wise Mr. Abney (with the assistance of the Dali Lama) that "when the moment is right,  what is to be, becomes." They are both right. With each encounter, I do learn more things about men, the world, and more importantly, myself. I do know down inside me that I am a person worth knowing and building a relationship with. Eileen keeps telling me that if a man can't accept me for who I am, then he is not someone I would want to be with anywho. And...being the slow learner that I am, I am realizing bit by bit she is right.

So I am waiting for the right moment...but I still have lessons to learn. Dang it.