Fifty Shades of Something.

Now before I begin this, I want to write a disclaimer that I was asked to review "Fifty Shades of Grey", by my friend Cindy, who has known me since elementary school, and has seen me in kitty cat glasses for more years than I would like to mention.

I first heard about the book that "made the New York Times Best Seller list, but no one wanted to mention that they had read it" on the Jackie, Tony, and Donnie radio show that starts off my morning every morning. I love listening to them..they are funny, make me laugh, and give crap to everyone...including themselves. I feel as if I know them personally, although I've only heard them. Perhaps they feel like they know me, too. If they don't feel that way, well, they should.

So I talked to some of my friends about this book, and they informed me that Jackie, Tony, and Donnie were right..it was a very "interesting" book, that had great sex information in it. Well, actually great sex scenes in it. It also seemed as if a lot of people that I knew had read the books, but didn't talk about it either. One friend told me that she didn't think it was a book I would like, which of course ensured that I would read it. I am just a tad stubborn. I am sure that you haven't noticed that.

I did hesitate a bit in reading the book, solely for the reason that if it was as truly erotic as everyone said it was, I didn't want to get in the paper for tackling random men that happened to be walking down the street. After all, I live in a family neighborhood, and I am a principal..who doesn't need to be in the paper for "men tackling".

But my natural curiosity overruled my basic common sense (this one fact gets me in trouble a lot) and I put the first book on my iPad, and began to read. Anastasia (the heroine in the story) bumps into Mr. "Steamy and Brooding" while interviewing him for her best friend, who happens to be ill.  Of course Anastasia is very beautiful, of modest means, and doesn't realize her "hotness" factor, or how she affects men. Mr. "Steamy and Brooding" is young, extremely rich, extremely hot, in other words, everything a woman would want in a Harlequin romance novel..except this one is on steroids, in a manner of speaking.

They are massively attracted to each other..for it seems that Mr. Grey has had some dominance issues with other woman, but until he met Anastasia, he never was drawn towards anyone like he felt for her. (cue harps playing, violins violining, etc.)  Although he is fond of gags, ropes, chains, whips and the like, he is actually willing to have "vanilla" sex with her. Which they do often and with fidelity. (I don't think fidelity is a word that is associated with sex, but I am in education, so that's all I can think of at the moment).

Like the Twilight series, "Shades of Grey"  is a trilogy as well. I will tell you (at risk of alienating my friends who love the Twilight series) that I really feel that the Twilight books could have been written in two (or perhaps one) books:

1. Young, beautiful, girl of modest means (hmmm, sounds familiar, doesn't it?) meets a handsome, hot, brooding, rich vampire.
2. They sigh and twinkle at each other. The wolves object. 
3. They marry and produce a vampire/human baby, whose existence kicks off a huge war between the mean vampires.
4. The good vampires win. The end. 

I did like the last book in that trilogy, I will mention. 

I think that Shades of Grey could have been written in one or two books as well. 

1. Young, beautiful, girl of modest means meets a handsome, hot, brooding, rich, kinky like man.
2. He is drawn to her and goes nuts when she bites her lip. She stares at him a lot in his jeans and white shirt.
3. Because he is so drawn to her, and wants to have her (he uses the word mine a lot..and I mean a lot) he is willing to compromise his domineering standards for her. 
4. She leaves him briefly (I think it was 4 days) but the force of their attraction for each is too much. 
5. She decides that she actually likes some of this domineering sex. 
6. They have a LOT of sex. She bites her lip and he just looks hot.
7. They marry, build a big house, and live happily ever after..even after a fired boss of Anastasia wants revenge and tries to kill him. Or her. 

The benefit of the three books is that you learn about bedroom techniques that have made a lot of husbands and boyfriends happy...or so I've read. And it is the number one best seller..mostly for that reason, I imagine. And so for the greater good of marriages, they might be good books to read to ensure longer and happier unions.

Especially if you bite your lip. :)