My Life Outside the Bubble: Accepting it all

My Life Outside the Bubble: Accepting it all: Tomorrow will be the sixth anniversary of Reid's death. Six years seems like a very long time ago, or just a blink of an eye. I mean, our ki...

Accepting it all

Tomorrow will be the sixth anniversary of Reid's death. Six years seems like a very long time ago, or just a blink of an eye. I mean, our kindergarteners at Colinas were born the year Reid died. When you stop to think about that, it is an amazing thing. Or not.

I read a lot of books after Reid died. A lot. I am sure that the stock in Amazon went up substantially with all the books on grief and losing a child that I bought. And all the books spoke about the stages of grief. You know,

•  Denial ( I am the queen of that) 
• Anger (I think I skipped that part, although I did ask a lot why it would happen to Reid, and not to the axe murderers of the world) 
• Bargaining (If only I kept him up and hadn't been sleeping, if only I had a defibrillator handy) 
• Depression (I think that was the laying in bed part and watching "What Not to Wear")
• And Acceptance.

I think I'm there now. I think about him, and my heart just slightly breaks. I watch the band play at the high school, and I can smile when I see the tubas. I make spaghetti, and think of it all over his face as a small boy.  I watch his good friends grow into men, and my heart doesn't twist the way it used to at the "what could have been". 

It's the way it is in my world now. He will always be missing in my world, but that is the way it is. He has always been my heart, and he is still in it.  I find the things that give me joy, and I can feel joy.  I watch a butterfly doing a backflip in the sky, and I know he is there. And now when I see two, I know that his dad is doing backflips along with him. (except I think Reid is a bit faster at this point). 

Life does go on..and I am going on. The day Reid died, the sky was sunny and brilliantly blue. I used to think that was profoundly wrong on every level. And then, as I gained acceptance about his death, I realized that the sky was exactly the way it should have looked as heaven welcomed him in. After all, he made this world a better place..and I know wherever he is, he is making that a much better place as well. 

And doing amazing backflips. Love you always, Reid. 

One of the good guys

He was a great person.

Funny...

Loved to have fun.

Trying on Christmas Boxer shorts with Tim and Bob.

A good brother.

In Lake Tahoe with Bobby.

Loved his career..and was damn good at it.

The Day he became a Major. That was a good day.

An amazing father.

Easter Day -1991 in Nebraska

At the beach with Reid.

Halloween in Nebraska...right before the big blizzard.

An amazing husband.

The World Famous John Deere Lawn Mower...Whitney was supervising.

Craig and Sheryl at the beach. 

I know that there are many things I could tell you about Craig. He was such a big part of my life..the world just doesn't seem right without knowing he is in it. Thank you, Craig, for being so good to me, our children, my family, and being an amazing husband to Sheryl.

You really were one of the good guys.

Love you always.