A New Skill Set

I was reading a Facebook post this morning that talked about how on Facebook relationships are always perfect, people have these great lives, full of exciting adventures and great attitudes.

Just to let you know, I am not that typical Facebook person.

I do need to make a couple of things clear before I launch into this rambling episode of "How the Bubble Turns."

1. I know I am a great person.
2. I know I have a lot to offer someone.
3. I know that there are things about me that need to be improved..and trust me, the list is long.
4. I really(for the most part) like who I am.
5. I now know that not everything that happens in the world is my fault. I have stopped taking responsibility (for the most part) of how people feel and react. (As if I could have controlled that anywho).

But I am learning a lot. Again. Sigh.

I like things neat and tidy. I always have. I like to know what is coming down the road. I like to know that step A leads to step B. I like to think that when someone tells you something, they really mean it.

However, none of the above is true all the time.

Several things happened this week to make it a "Perfect Storm" in terms of how I took a detour in my positive road of the path of life. I kind of slid into the marsh lands of "the slime"  of life.  It is kind of when  right after Reid died...I would feel as if the Monster from the Black Lagoon would reach up and grab me, twisting my insides so hard that I  felt like I had been through a Coffee press..with little pieces of me left behind. Each one in themselves wouldn't have been so bad, but all of them together were not helpful.

What the things were are not important at this point,  (except that when you are exhausted, going to sleep is helpful) but what I need to realize is this. This life in which I am meeting new people, and searching to find someone to share my life with is a whole new skill set for me. Like anything that you are doing, you don't do it well at first. And it doesn't flow from step A to step B as easily as I would like it to flow.  And even when it does do that, the flow of what you want to happen can stop...or change directions...or turn you upside down. I'm not so resilient in this area as I am in other areas of my life. I need to recognize this about myself, and really work on how to take care of myself, yet not lose the pieces of me that make up me.

At school we are working on Essential Standard plans, in which you look at a specific area that needs improvement (according to data, of course) and design a plan for how you will improve and get to proficiency in that area. I guess I need a plan as well for how I will handle my new skill set..except the only "data" I have are the life lessons that I keep learning each and every day. There is not a "life map" for me..except that I need to stay who I am, keep learning, and remember that each day brings new exciting adventures and opportunities for me to learn...again.

Dang it. :)