I am on Spring Break...and having just a stellar week. Am I off in the Bahamas, lying on the beach with a fruity drink? Or on a cruise throughout the Caribbean, with a cabin boy named "Pablo" who is very attentive, and cute to observe as well?
None of the above are true (rats)..but I am having a blissful week nevertheless.
Since my last encounter with a jerk of the online dating world (sigh) a couple of important things happened. In my Pre-Reid life, I was a pretty competitive person. I didn't like losing at Monopoly. When I swam competitively, I was so determined (or anxious) to win, I would promptly get sick after every competition. If I decided to pursue a job, I just didn't prepare..I was like a marathon runner getting ready to run...well, a marathon. I usually was able to conquer mostly anything I set my mind out to conquer. (Please keep in mind the teacher/control issue that resides in me).
And then I wasn't.
The "oomph' in me "un-oomphed". It didn't matter much if I wasn't first, or acknowledged, or if I won at Monopoly. In fact, nothing really mattered much at all. And I have to tell you, that fact would have scared me a lot..except for the fact that nothing really mattered much at all. I would observe myself not really giving a flip, and the rational part that used to be me was appalled. The inside part just blinked and wanted to know if it was bed time.
I was having a big tussle with myself. And the inside part was winning.
But just like a good Lifetime movie...some things have changed..a bit.
My good friend Eileen has not been feeling good for a looong time. And when I say long, I mean she has been dealing with exhaustion, headaches, and has been sick a lot. This is not like her..and has puzzled a lot of us. Then one day at school, she had some symptoms that concerned our wonderful school nurse, and sent us on a visit to the emergency room. To make a long story short, she had diabetes. And since all of us were envisioning the worse, this was something that was controllable. She asked me to be her support buddy on the diabetes diet plan. Now, although I have a hard time doing things for myself, I usually have no problem doing something for someone else...especially for a person who has been with me through a lot and got me through days that I didn't think I could get through. (Although she is the person that says I am 13 in dating years. ;)
So I am doing the diet with her, and it really is very workable. When I think about cheating, I think about how this diet will keep her alive and well,and that takes care of any urge to cheat.
I also stepped up my walking...and the part of me that likes a good competition has emerged again in this area. I am using an app that tracks your progress, and pace, and distance..and I've gone up to 4 miles. I got very annoyed at the app today when it decided to pause, and I lost a half of mile that it did not record. However, I added it in my head, and went my furtherest distance today. So if you see me in Santa Fe walking with two exhausted puppies, I am most likely trying to set a new record for walking.
This could be an issue.
I also FINALLY went and took some dancing lessons this week. This has been on my list of things I want to do, and I made that list a year and a half ago. One of my friends found a place where you can go and learn the two-step, the Cotton Eye Joe, and even has Salsa lessons. So I went forth and ventured with one of my friends and fellow employees yesterday. She is fun to go with, merely for the fact that she attracts men like I attract bees, and it's very fascinating to watch her handle all the men that try to pick her up. She has a wonderful attitude about herself, and a strong sense of who she is. (And I take notes about what to do if I ever have the opportunity to do so. :)
I did not go with the attitude that I would meet "Mr. Right". I did not go with the attitude that no one would want to dance with me (although I will tell you I was prepared for the possibility). I went with the attitude that I wanted to have fun, and I wanted to learn to dance something...dang it.
And I did.
I had the best time. The teachers were great, they rotated you through with different partners..none that went fleeing off the dance floor..and everyone had the same purpose that I had..to learn how to two-step. (The words "Quick Quick slow slow" are imprinted in my brain, although for the life of me I can't remember if you start with the right or left foot).
The best part though was that I had fun..there was the part of me that used to feel joy and delight out there. That part is present when I walk with the puppies, that part is peeking through when I make correct food choices..I'm still there, sticking my big toes (and perhaps all my feet) out of the space that was wondering if I would ever feel again.
There is some hope for me, after all. Now I just have to work on figuring out the feet part.
And I will.
